On not conforming...

This article is circulating around facebook and getting lots of attention and support from many Moms out there.  It's an article about parenting written by a fellow Mom who like so many of us finds herself overwhelmed at times and humbled by the job at hand.  She's honest and straightforward (which I like) but there is something about her message that has bothered me so much I felt the need to write about it.

Her article is titled "Not to Carpe Diem" and in it she shares her resolve to reject the advice and comments of those older women whose children are grown and who approach her with unsolicited advice to embrace and enjoy "every moment" of these years when her children are young and still at home.

She says "Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM (which means seize the day) makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong."  

I have to admit that as I was reading her words my flesh wanted to instantly side with her and say "Sister, you are right on !  Who on their right mind would expect us Moms, with all that we have to endure, to be in a constant state of thankfulness, to enjoy and embrace every tantrum, every spilled drink, every dirty diaper.  Who?!"  That's when the quiet voice inside gently whispered:

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The author gives an example of a time she was standing at a check out lane while her children are misbehaving and giving her a hard time when an older lady interrupts her to implore her to "enjoy every second".  She writes "And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."  

This scene she describes brought to my mind the exhortation given to older women in Titus 2 to "encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." - Titus 2:4-5. 

I remember reading those verses a while back and praying a silent prayer "where are all these Titus 2 women, Lord?  There are times when I feel like I'm drowning and could use a little encouragement from one of these older Moms.  Send one my way!"  

Makes me wonder if the problem is not that there is a lack of older women out there wanting to share their wisdom but instead that there is a generation of younger Moms who are not open to listening to what they have to say.  We just don't want to hear it.  After all, what do they know?  Things were different back then... Ha! Isn't Satan smart?

She goes on to compare parenting to climbing Mt. Everest, a task that "brave and adventurous souls try because they hear there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard."  


Now, I could be wrong but from the way she finishes her article talking about God's timing (intentionally highlighting the word God) and even throwing in there the Greek word Kairos used in the New Testament, a reader might imply that this is a Christian woman sharing her view on parenting.  The thing that bothers me about her Mt. Everest analogy is the use of words like "brave", "adventurous", "impressive accomplishment" making it sound as if this parenting business could be done in our own strength.  As if the end result was something we could boast about.  As if we arrive victorious at the finish line as a result of having trucked through the "pain and drudgery".  

I honestly don't know how people without faith in Jesus are able to survive parenthood because so far there has been no other endeavour that brings me to my knees more often than being a Mom.  

Practicing gratefulness is hard.  Doing everything without complaining, even harder but that is what we are called to do and thanks to Jesus we are not left to attempt this on our own, by our own strength but by His grace and the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us who've give our lives to Him.

My bottom line about this article is that yes, we have a hard job as Moms and it sounds so tempting to accept the author's permission to reject the need for a constant state of thankfulness, to reject what she calls carpe diem (not a term that I am fond of) but the truth is that we don't need someone to get us off the hook.  We need Christian women who have been given a platform like that to use it to encourage us and point us to truth, the Word of God, the only thing that can see us through this journey of parenting. 

Now, to give the author some credit I do like most of her idea on how she plans to encourage young Moms when she gets to be in the shoes of the "older lady at the check out lane".

I would just also throw in there "Sister, His power is made perfect in your weakness.  Don't stop giving Him thanks and giving Him the glory even in the bad days 'cause He is carrying you through."